Day 21- Thursday, early morning, late afternoon

Back to school for Day 3. I began with my switch class and I was finally able to get some time in the library for them to do some writing so I met them there. My class had taken a couple of minutes longer to get going and when I got to the library they were already sitting at the tables, with a few on the beanbag chairs. I wanted them to login to the computers before we meditated, as they take a few minutes to load, but since they were already sitting, I thought it best not to disrupt the flow, and we got started right away.

Our library has four large round tables that seat four when students are working, but are big enough to accommodate more, and today two of the tables were occupied by three or four boys, with the others sitting in the beanbag chairs around the periphery. Two girls were away. two more were sitting together at one table, and huddled together around the other table we the rest of the girls, about eight of them.

We started the meditation pretty quickly as they were pretty much ready to go. The library technician was away today and there was nobody else in the library. It was quiet before we even started and the effects of the library lights dimming still has an impact- everyone settled into the meditation very quickly.

The first couple of minutes were uneventful and quiet. The boys in the beanbag chairs didn't move at all, my breather and his friend were both breathing along with the count even though they were sitting at different tables, and Student 1 was less fidgety, perhaps offset by the different location. The girls at the same table, several of whom like to look around, were looking around as usual, but today at the same table, they were looking around at each other more.

For the first two or three minutes their glances subtle. It was pretty still as we prepared to write, inhaling the confidence to let the words come and exhaling the fear, the second guessing of words and doubting if they are good enough. As we moved into the silence, the girls' glances turned to giggles and the table became a little more restless.

I moved over to their table and gave the girls a few looks, which was enough of a reminder to contain the disruption, and while I wasn't going to let them disturb everyone else, I was heartened by the joy they were sharing, the friendships they are building, and community they are finding in their classroom. It brings a whole new level of connection to meditations and classroom learning.

The day flew by and our students were so into the flow of Social Studies and their text work that we didn't even stop to breathe. I didn't see my class again until the last period of the day for French. During gym in period 6 they had done their 12 minute run. As I pointed out to them when they sat down, some were happy and pumped from the run and it had been the best part of their day, and sitting down to meditate is their own particular kind of torture. For others, the run had been the worst torture they would endure, and they were now coming to the meditation as the best part of the day. For a few, they could really enjoy both and they are really lucky and could take the time to be grateful. Wherever they were at, they needed to be respectful of everyone else in the room.

It was pretty much an afternoon meditation, mostly quiet, but in large part because I spent most of the meditation in proximity of Student B and his buddies. I urged them and everyone to relax, inhaling the positivity to make the last class productive, and exhaling the negativity that distract and disrupts. The boys did finally relax into enough stillness that I sat down and joined in the silence, and a few quiet breaths. It was a nice way to start the last class to end the day.

Now I can look forward to Friday. Enjoy yours!

Day 20- Monday on a Tuesday

The first day of the week is the first day of the week, whether it falls on a Monday or a Tuesday, but it is just a little sweeter when it falls on a Tuesday. And a little quieter, at least today, which led to a peaceful, quick and productive day. A pretty nice Tuesday.

I began the morning with my class for LA and everyone was pretty quiet from the start. I guess it had been a big weekend for most because everyone was clearly tired, especially as we started the morning.

We got to our meditation pretty quickly. Before I did, I asked the three boys, Student B and his buddies, if they were okay or if anyone needed to be moved. They assured me that they were good and would be okay sitting together. I indicated that I agreed, if they chose to, they could sit together successfully, and I hoped that they would, but I also let them know that this would be the last time I would be asking them. If I had to talk to them again, next time I would be telling them they had to move and there would be no choice.

Then I started the meditation. Everyone settled in very quickly, most with heads down, though I noticed backs lengthening and straightening as I suggested the prompt. From the first moments the room was silent and it stayed that way throughout the track. Beyond the silence, the room was still. There was no noise at all. No shuffling or fidgeting, no disruptions or disturbances. It was completely silent and totally peaceful.

The 5 minutes and 44 seconds went by quickly, through the prompts and directions, when I suggested inhaling energy and then focus, and exhaling tiredness and then distraction, and into the silence, which lasted about half of the time and in which I joined. It was lovely.

It was the best meditation of the year, which I told them after we finished, as well as how good it felt. For the 2 periods that followed they worked consistently on their demonstrations of learning, through which they have to show me their understanding of the words that commonly appear as errors (your, you're, then, than, etc). They were all pretty focused and on task as they started working on their chosen projects, and even Student B and his buddies wrote a verse of their rap.

The only one who didn't get to work was Student A, but he wasn't bothering anybody, as he had fallen asleep. As we started the meditation, he had put his hand down on his pillow binder as usual, but sometime during the meditation, he had fallen asleep. After the meditation ended, I didn't wake him up.

It is not the first time a student has fallen asleep during a meditation and unless I absolutely must, I try not to wake them up. I figure if anyone falls asleep in those five minutes, and then stays asleep as we get on with the daily work in a room that isn't exactly quiet, then they really need the sleep.

Sometimes I use the opportunity to talk about health, and the importance of sleeping and getting enough sleep, as I did with Student A, during our conversation after he woke up an hour or so later, and we had a chance to talk. I would have also talked about it with my class, had they noticed he was sleeping, but they didn't. It took a long time for anyone to notice, which speaks to how my students are getting used to taking care of themselves and doing what they need to do, and letting others do the same.

After about 45 minutes, Student B noticed that Student A had his head down and was asleep at his seat. He pointed it out to me, as if I might not be aware, and was surprised when I responded, "So?" to the news his was sleeping. I asked Student B if he was taking care of himself and what he needed to be doing and he said he was. I told him that was his main concern and to keep taking care of himself and Student A would do the same. He went back to work, or at least focusing on his group, and didn't bother Student A, who eventually woke up on his own. In our talk, he couldn't tell me why he was so tired, just that he was, but we had a good talk nonetheless. It was a great couple of classes and I am looking forward to their final products in a couple of weeks.

My switch class came to me just before lunch and after gym. They may have been equally tired, but by this point they were less quiet and more fidgety. At some point last week they all caught on to the plasticine as a stress toy, and I can't encourage it for one and not all, especially when I am often playing with it myself. So now, as I tried to explain, we have to achieve the balance between the point of focus and distraction. The intention of the plasticine is to have it in their hands to help them focus, so they have to play with it, without focusing on it. As soon as they turn they focus on it, rolling and building, it becomes a toy, a distraction. It is a very fine line, another they have to learn to manage and navigate in life and one I took the time to point out.

I also told them that using the plasticine during the meditation defeats the purpose, and challenged them as always to put everything away and be as still as possible together with their silence. I told them if they chose to keep the plasticine in their hands that was okay, as long as it didn't become a distraction. Most got the message, put the plasticine and everything else away, and put their heads down as usual. Those who usually sit up did, and my breathers prepared to start, as I began the meditation. Two girls at one table and Student 1 continued fidgeting with their plasticine and the boy who likes to look at me was looking at Student 1 and his creations, but they were pretty quiet.

Within the first 2 or 3 breaths, it was clear that the two girls had not heard a word I had said about using the plasticine during the meditation without focusing on it causing distractions, or perhaps they had not understood. because they immediately went to work on their plasticine as though we were in art class. They started rolling it out on the table, banging it as they did and making too much noise, though any noise would have been too much.

As I continued giving the prompts, I made my way to their table, picked up their plasticine, and went on with the meditation. The girls didn't protest, they just looked at me and then put their heads down too. I went on with the meditation as usual, inhaling focus and exhaling distraction, and joining them for a couple of minutes of quiet breathing at the end. The room was never completely still or silent, but it was peaceful enough, and gave everyone a few moments to breathe, including me.

The rest of the morning and then the afternoon flew by, pretty good for Monday on a Tuesday. Wednesday there will be no meditations as I am away for Yom Kippur. I will be back in the classroom on Thursday and see what is in store.

Day 19- Friday, Farts and MIddle School Life

On Friday night, after the crazy day that came before it, I was lucky enough to go see Ziggy Marley perform. Beyond the amazing music and 2 hours of dancing, a notable sight was the t-shirt one of the girls in the row in front of me was wearing. It read, "Inhale the good shit, Exhale the bullshit," and I thought that pretty much sums up everything I do. I considered telling her that the message of her t-shirt is what I try to teach my middle school students, but I figured she probably didn't care that much and definitely wouldn't think it as funny as I did. I also imagined telling me students about her t-shirt, just to see their response to the "S" word- always entertaining. But its message was strong and resonates with me- it is also very fitting for this past Friday.

The temperature in a middle school is very easy to read and on a Friday morning before a long weekend the excitement is palpable, as was it on Friday. As I started with my class, with one period of French, and first thing in the morning there was a buzz in the air and a lot of energy in the room. Student B and the boys around him were particularly antsy. Student A was a little calmer as we had located his binder in the back of the other room and as we started the meditation, he put his head down. So did most of the other students.

Student B and his buddies had more trouble settling and in and I addressed it, standing behind them, telling them they need to relax and attempting to direct them to breathe in their calm and exhale the excess energy, the nervousness, the agitation. I stayed in their proximity for a couple of minutes, until they finally settled into a quieter, stiller state.

By this point we were into the last two minutes of our 5 minute and 44 seconds, so I moved to my chair in the circle, sat down, prompted them to stay with their breath and enjoy the silence, and closed my eyes as I joined them. I had taken 2 or 3 breaths. when I felt the movement beside me. I opened my eyes to find the student sitting beside Student B standing beside me. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Ms. Satran, someone farted."

I looked at him in complete surprise- I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. In the moment, I wasn't sure if I was annoyed. or it was funny, but I wasn't amused and I was not going to letting it disrupt everyone else. I quietly but sternly said, "Sit down and be quiet," which he did. He was quiet again and so was everyone else. I didn't close my eyes again, keeping them on the boys.

It was a short few breaths later that the track ended and the meditation came to its close. As I ended it and turned on the lights, without mentioning what had happened specifically at first, I addressed the fart. I asked the student who had gotten up what he could have done about what happened? I asked him what he could have changed about what had happened or the result of the event?

He acknowledged that there was nothing he could have done, and nothing that could have changed what already happened, to which I made the connection to meditation and one of the reasons we meditate every day. We cannot control the events around us, and sometimes it is uncomfortable to live through them, but we have no choice, However, we have power over our responses to those events and how we let them impact our lives and our choices.

Once I had outlined that the events that cause our distractions or discomfort can be just about anything, I then addressed the fart itself. I noted that it is a bodily function that happens to everyone at some time or another, often at the most inconvenient or embarrassing time, which is why it didn't matter who farted. If it was them (whoever) then it happens to everyone, and if it wasn't them this time they could feel lucky, because one day it would be, because it happens to everyone. Finally, before closing the discussion and getting to a little French that morning, I also noted that if it ever did happen to them, when they were in public and they did fart, a big, loud fart, to which I added exaggerated sound effects, then they should try to have a sense of humour and laugh with everyone else. Again I emphasized that it happens to everyone at some point, and laughing at ourselves and life, and not taking things too seriously, is another way we have power over our responses, and makes life a whole lot easier and more amusing, I was a good reminder for me on a crazy Friday morning before the long weekend.

Thankfully, by the time my switch class came to me for the period just before lunch, everyone was a little calmer and this meditation was far less eventful. My switch class, which had begun as the more restless, chatty class, is starting to settle into silence more quickly and remain stiller and quieter throughout more frequently, especially in the mornings.

Today was no different. My readers have moved away from the window and put their books aways. Most students in this class put their heads down, most days. My breather and his friend and a couple of others sit up straight,  a couple of others continue to look around the room now and again. Student 1 continues to fidget, especially playing with his hoodie, but doesn't like to attract attention- usually whenever he notices I am looking at him, he stops. Same with the boy who likes to look at me, as soon as we make eye contact he puts his head down. In my switch class it was a quiet and peaceful 5 minutes and 44 seconds, at least for this Friday morning.

That would have been enough for a Friday, but that was just the morning, we had the entire afternoon, a lifetime of its own on a Friday in middle school. The first two periods were Math and LA, or LA and Math for both classes and then, because middle school teachers are their own special brand of crazy, we ended the day with two periods of Social Studies with both classes together. We are moving further on in our studies and applying our discussions of culture, society and stereotyping to Universal Human Rights and how they are supposed to work. We were beginning with some text work, to practice working in small groups, with a textbook, and gain a basic understanding of Human Rights and the responsibilities that go with them. It would be challenging at any time, but especially on a Friday afternoon before a long weekend.

We came together in Mr. Y's room and I thought we would do a short, 2 minute, track to help us get focused. I was curious to see how it would work and what I learned is the two minute track is not really worthwhile- we are better off just taking a few breaths without the process of the music and prompting. I guess I was overly optimistic in their ability, or perhaps willingness, to settle into the stillness and silence more quickly. With the large group, a few restless pockets, and the usual suspects, it took about a minute to get settled. It wasn't terrible, or even out of the ordinary, it just took too long to serve its purpose of two minutes of silence. The spontaneous breaths, in silence and with the lights on, seem to work better, at least for now. Maybe I will try the shorter track again in a few months, but I think for now I will stick with standing at the front and just taking some breaths when we get started in the larger group.

After our meditation, and before they got into their groups, Mr. Y took a few moments to explain the "Happygram," a system of feedback we would implement when working in small groups to encourage cooperation, respect and team building. Students were generally still pretty excited, but also relatively calm and respectful- we do have great kids-but there was quite a bit of noise and a lot of laughter, as the explanation the process.

As Mr. Y was calling for student examples, he called our breather, who when looking at him was noticeably upset. At first I thought it was in response to Mr. Y, and made a joke that he looked like he was being tortured, but within a second I realized it was no joke. I went over to him and not only was he visibly angry, but every muscle in his arms, torso and face were tensed. I told him it was clear he was upset, he was going to be okay, and suggested we go for a walk, indicating to Mr. Y that that is what we were doing- another benefit of co-teaching, I could leave to help support a student while he kept teaching.

We went into the hall and he indicated he was not ready to talk, but was okay. I suggested he take a few minutes to cool off, get some water and wash his face and then come back when he was ready. I went back to the room and checked in with his friends who claimed they were clueless as to what had happened.

I went back and found our student in the guidance area talking to the acting principal. On the way, I had met the guidance counselor, who shed some light on my breather's situation and his experience handling his anger in the past. My breather is a capable, self-motivated student who has high expectations of himself, as do his parents- this was not news to me. His tendency to bottle up his emotions, especially anger, and then explode, was- this was the first time I had seen it, and it is good to have this awareness and be able to work through it with him, today and in the future.

I joined his conversation with the acting admin and they let me know his friends had been bothering him and not letting him do his work to the point that he got very agitated. I congratulated him on his response, his ability to contain himself and not get physical. Both the acting admin, who also knows the other students. his "friends," well through his role as a phys. ed. teacher, and I, acknowledged that their behaviour can indeed be very annoying, and though we would not condone it, we would have understood had it become physical, and very much appreciated that it did not. It really reflected the caring, compassionate and stand up kind of person my breather is. I also let him know that for a moment, I thought his anger was a response to me and my joke, and I was relieved it wasn't, but if it had been he could tell me and I would be okay hearing it. But he didn't feeling like talking.

Whether he appreciated the words or not, he wasn't much less angry and indicated he was happy sitting by himself in the guidance area, which was a good choice, and we are lucky to have the space in our school. I told him I would come back and check in with him intermittently and was around to talk whenever he was ready.

When I got back to the classroom, everyone else was divided into their groups and more or less on task, for which I was once again grateful, as I can never take it for granted. I guess the two minutes had been more helpful than I thought, or maybe it is just the nature of our students, but as I walked around the rooms, checking their work, I noted their focus, efforts and progress were impressive. It is the paradox of teaching- I expect they will do the work I set out for them, whatever it may be, but am always amazed when they actually do, and they do it so well. Mr. Y and I reflected on this in a conversation, as well as how great our students are, especially on a Friday afternoon before a long weekend. Not perfect, but we couldn't ask for much more- except for Student A to stop cutting up paper and join in- I remain hopeful.

At around 3:10, I went back to check on my breather, who hadn't moved, but appeared a little more relaxed. He wasn't open to talking, but said he would be willing to listen- or at least pretend he was- and I reminded him he had choices, to move away from his "friends," or ask for help, both talking to them and stopping their behaviours, before he got so angry that it affected him adversely. Once again I spoke of the power in our responses and where we give our power away.

Then I asked him if he wanted to do a little breathing activity with me. I have rarely had this opportunity, or perhaps more accurately, noticed the opportunity, to breathe with a student one on one, and figured as he has been practicing his breathing since we began, there would never be a better time to start. He seemed amenable in that he didn't object, and I told him I often do this little exercise, this ten breath here/now, when I am stuck or feeling very emotional.

Together we took ten slow, deep breaths. I had my eyes closed so I didn't watch him, but I assume he was breathing along with me. For the first 5 breaths, we inhaled calm and exhaled anger. I encouraged him to feel the calm throughout his body as he breathed in, and feel the anger leaving as he emptied his lungs.

For the next five breaths, we inhaled "present" and exhaled "past." As he filled his lungs, I emphasized the present, the here and now, which is all that is. As he exhaled, I encouraged him to let go of the past, the events of the afternoon were over and done, and to come back to the present with the next inhale.

The ten breaths took just about two minutes and when we were done and I opened my eyes, my breather seemed a little calmer. I was hopeful, and asked if that had helped. "No," was his immediate response, but with a little less of a scowl. I smiled and told him that was okay, and reminded him what I had said before we started, "It couldn't hurt."

I am not entirely convinced that it didn't help, and I plan to follow up with my breather, first as to how he has recovered from the event and can handle things moving forward, and his breathing and practice in general, and so it may go deeper. But even if it doesn't, it isn't important.

In those moments, I made a connection with my student. I let him know he is supported and cared for as a student, and a person, and that his feelings count. That is already enough. I also let him know it was okay if he thought I was really weird, or that if  the breathing isn't helpful in the way I think it will be, it was all okay, helping to build trust between us, which will let us continue to work together for the rest of the year. Who knows where it could lead, for me, him and all of my students?

For today, and on Friday, I was grateful the day was done. I am grateful for this weekend and this Thanksgiving Day holiday (for my Canadian readers anyway). Tomorrow, Tuesday will be like a Monday, and be another day, which I will face tomorrow. For today, I will be present and enjoy the time- and maybe do some marking. I hope you enjoy the time too...minus the marking.

Day 18- Thursday in the Fall

Today was Day 5 and as I told my students first thing this morning, it is the only Day 5 in October that we will be in the building, as we have field trips on our next two day 5's. It made our bus evacuation drills this morning even more important. I just wish I'd known when they would be in advance, as I would have planned accordingly. Such is life in middle school, and as usual, my students took everything in stride.

We switched classes first thing in the morning and everyone got settled pretty quickly, and after a brief reminder of the day ahead, we got ready to meditate. I took a few moments to demonstrate how we could use our breath to grow the quality we need while inhaling, and getting rid of the opposite trait that gets in our way while exhaling. I suggested that in the morning they might be feeling very tired and so they could breathe in energy and exhale the tiredness and fatigue, and as I did I stood there, closed my eyes, took a full, deep inhale, and then a full deep exhale. The room was quiet while I did, and as I went on to demonstrate other qualities, positivity/negativity, patience/impatience and focus/distraction, with full deep breaths. Then we began the meditation.

Of course, if I had known what was about to ensue I would have waited until later, but I didn't, and so we began. Everyone was really quiet, the boy who usually sits tall did, as did his new seatmate, and pretty much everyone else put their heads down, even the fidgety kids. It was really quiet in the room, as is becoming routine for my switch class. About 30 to 45 seconds or so into our 5 minute and 44 second track, the noise in the hallway began.

The kids in the room across the hall were moving around and there were adults talking in the hallway. Though a little unusual, this is not entirely out of the ordinary, and sometimes I think noise in the hall helps the room stay quieter, as was the case today. A few heads looked up and around with the noise, but then went back down. No one was disturbed.

I finished the breath count and moved into finding what we need, inhale focus and exhaling distraction. By that time, a minute and a half or two minutes later the rooms across the hall were empty and the hall was quiet. I figured the noise had passed and I continued.

But the peace didn't last, and within another 30 seconds, there was noise coming from the room next door and I realized they were calling our classes down for Bus Evacuation drills. As the acting administrator came knocking on my door, but before he could come barreling in- I guess he didn't notice the dimmed lights or quiet in the room- I headed him off and quietly told him that we would be out as soon as our meditation was done, in about 2 minutes.

Then I reassured a few curious faces not to worry and to stay with their breath, and gave a quick reminder to two girls that this was not the time to open a hair studio, as they had started playing with each other's hair, and then we went back to the silence. As before, the majority were undisturbed and I soon joined them for a silent moment before we ended the meditation.

We couldn't leisurely take our time coming out of it, as just as we were ending the acting admin came back again to call us to bus evacuation and we were on our way. When we got back to the classroom 10 minutes later or so, I took the time to talk about the meditation, again relating it to the power we have and don't have. Today, I told them I had the power to let our meditation continue for the 2 minutes we needed, but that they made it possible because they kept it going. They had maintained the power. I acknowledged how easily it is to get distracted by things, like hair, but that we need to be sure we are not giving away our power, especially when so much of the world wants to take it from us. Then we got to work, or our school work anyway, because the rest is surely work too, likely the most important work we do together.

After break I saw my class for LA and with Student B back everyone was there. As students started settling during the break, Student A was trying to take the binders from the boys sitting next to him. I knew it was because he likes to use his binder as a pillow during meditations, and I asked him where his binder was, as I simultaneously told him to let go of the other boys' binders.  He said he didn't know where his binder was- not the first time it has gone missing- as he walked out of the room, supposedly to go look for it. I took a quick look around the room and when I didn't see it, I took a big text book and a folded up shirt and put it on his desk for him to lay his head. I hoped that would be enough.

He came back to the room as break ended and we were about to begin. I pointed out the pillow I had fashioned and he sat down at his seat and didn't bother anyone else anymore. I guess he appreciated the effort.

After the start to the morning, I was a little impatient and my introduction to the meditation was brief. I realized how brief when Student B, who had been away all week, asked what he had to do during this new meditation. I wanted to start, and there is a part of me that is pretty sure he didn't really want to listen to the answer rather just give himself more time to talk, and so I didn't go into much detail. I told him it was essentially the same, to listen for the differences, and most importantly not to call attention to himself or disturb anyone else, as always.

The next 5 minutes and 44 seconds went by quickly and peacefully. Just about everyone had their head down. Student B played around with his arm positioning and tried to call attention, but gave up pretty quickly when he didn't get any, and just sat quietly. I spent some extra time lingering in his vicinity as I circled around the room, and eventually sat down and joined the class for a few moments in stillness and silence at the end. It was less than a minute, and I don't know what they were doing or feeling, but I was grateful, because I really needed that minute, to sit and to breathe. It gave me enough energy to get through the rest of a very full and busy day.

Thankfully tomorrow is Friday and the next two Day 5's I can look forward to being out of the building. As I reflect on a fall day in Thursday, with a change in the weather that reminds me that winter is on the way, I realize I have a lot for which to be grateful even as there is much work ahead. Thank goodness for long weekends o come.

Day 17- October- Back to Work on a Wednesday

Though I wasn't feeling 100% and it was a rainy day, I was happy to get back to school today, and I think my kids were equally happy to see me. The last couple of days seemed pretty uneventful in the capable hands of my sub, and with the work I had left behind. The sub's and students reports were positive and no one had anything they wanted to tell me as I asked them one by one. Everyone seemed pretty happy, even Student A, and so I'll take it. Student B had a medical issue and hadn't been in school all week and won't be back until after Thanksgiving. It made for a quieter days and that continued today.

After Oh Canada, but before we meditated and began our day, it was time to make a new seating arrangement. A month has passed and the seats they had chosen had been their first choice in the classroom, with a new month it was time to choose new spots.

Student A chose to remain in his current space, which suits him well, as did my other student with visual impairments, as she and her EA (Educational Assistant) are best situated by the door. Everyone else spread out around the room, and closing my eyes, I randomly choose names and student after student picked a new spot to sit. I had encouraged them to sit in a different part of the room, so they would gain a new perspective, and challenged them to sit beside different people so they could get to know new people, and most importantly to choose a place in which they felt they could be successful in their learning. I told them how much appreciated the fact that they had already demonstrated their ability to do this, which is why I could let them pick their spots again today, and I didn't have to make up a seated plan- one of my most dreaded tasks and something I have been lucky that I haven't had to do in years.

With the instructions, everyone moved quickly and easily found new spots. It was pretty seamless and I was grateful, because I have to trust the process, but I can never be certain it will go well, and today, thankfully, it did. Everyone then settled into their new seats as we prepared to do our first October meditation. I told them it was going to be different but the same.

It was the same in that it started with music, lights, the same grounding and prompts, and the inhale, 2, 3,4 to start. It would also be the same in the sense that the only way to do it wrong is to bother someone else. Then I explained that after the breath count, we would move to our natural rhythm of breathing, and while bringing our focus to each inhale and each exhale, we would start to work with our breath to foster and grow the qualities we need with each inhale, and let go of, get rid of the blocks that get in our way with each exhale.

I used the example of growing focus, while getting rid of distraction, explaining that as they bring their attention to their inhale, they picture the focus they need to do whatever needs to be done, listening, a writing assignment, Math questions. As they exhale, they imagine the opposite quality, distraction, leaving them. I described distraction as being external- friends around them, people walking by or others working on computers- or internal- the thoughts in our heads that tell us the task is too hard, too boring, that we just don't care. I reminded them these are the things we often tell ourselves when we want to give up, and as we keep practicing meditation, we get better at noticing these thoughts and getting past them. I also quickly explained there are many qualities we can grow through meditation and that as we kept practicing, we will keep exploring different qualities as we need them.

Finally I told them the other big difference was it would go a little longer, about a minute to start. I told them I wouldn't be talking for the whole time and once I did the introduction, I would join in the silent meditation. I reminded them that they didn't have to worry about when it would be over, which is natural while meditating, that I would let them know when we were done, and until then they could enjoy.

And then we did. Rearranging the seats and the new explanation had taken about 15-20 minutes and when I turned off the lights and started the music, every was ready. Today, every head went down and stayed down. I guess they were glad I was back, or they really need the rest.

I led them through the connection with Treaty 1 land, settling the body, 4 or so inhale, 2, 3, 4 counts and then through following the rhythm of their own breath, breathing naturally, but deeply and fully, filling their lungs on the inhale and emptying them on the exhale. Then I led them to the idea of focus, with each inhale imaging their focus growing as they saw themselves completing the assignment we had ahead. With each exhale, I guided them to imagine the distractions leaving them.

Then I told them to keep following their breath, and wherever they were at, to take a moment to enjoy the silence. And they did, And so did I. I closed my eyes and took a few long deep breaths. I briefly wondered if anyone had moved, lifted their heads, but there was no noise, and I wasn't that curious. I was too busy enjoying the silence.

It ended quickly, and the 5 minute and 27 second track seemed shorter than the 4 and a half minute track I had used throughout September. It was a lovely meditation and a wonderful start to October and our morning. As soon as we were done everybody got to work, and Student A drew intricate mazes on the whiteboard, which I am hoping he will put on paper so we can all do them.

I saw my switch class right after lunch today and the afternoon pretty much replicated the morning. We started by rearranging the seat as I had earlier. Though a few students in the class were willing to take big risks and sit in different areas in the room, away from their friends, this class also required a little more attention and involvement in the seating. There are more players who are better off separated, but not necessarily at the expense of those who work well together.

I think the process was a bit more anxiety invoking for my switch class as well. There were a few pockets where students were clearly concerned about sitting with their friends. So I did some minor interjecting, but left it mostly to them and to chance, and thankfully it worked out really well. I think in the end, I separated some of the chattier girls and more restless boys, leaving them better supported. At least I think so today- tomorrow could be very different.

But for today, it was a very good change and it lead to a very peaceful meditation. I introduced the change in process pretty much as I had earlier that morning and like the morning the time went very quickly.

One of the more restless students had moved to the other side of the room beside the boy who has been sitting up straight and following the breath count, and so today he did that too, I am hoping that will continue. None of my readers we reading, and my doodler put his pencils away and put his hoodie over his head before putting his head down as we started. Student 1 had the toughest time. He fiddled with his hoodie and had his ruler positioned in the hood in a variety of manners, until it finally fell to the floor and he was shh'ed by me and the EA. Then he managed to settle a bit.

Everyone else was quiet and still and I did manage to close my eyes for a few deep breaths and join in the silence at the end, which went undisturbed. It was a wonderful minute and the start of a good afternoon.

I am really happy to be in October and at the point where we can continue to develop and expand our meditations in time and in depth. It will be interesting to see where it goes tomorrow.

In my chapter, I outline more about linking breath to the qualities we wish to foster and grow, in the sections "We Are What We Breathe," "Building Confidence," and "Finding What You Need." Here is the link:
http://www.cityuniversity.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Sustainable-Well-Being-2014.pdf#page=181

Days 14, 15, 16- WTF, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday- Part 2

Thursday was another beautiful day, and though we couldn't go back to The Forks, it was a great day for our school wide Terry Fox Walk and BBQ later that morning.

I started with my class for LA. Before we began, I had the daily announcements on the screen as usual, and the first was to inform students of our first GSA, Gay Straight Alliance meeting coming up next week for those who might be interested.

As it is a new, important, and an often misunderstood initiative, I took the time to explain it, its purpose and importance, to make our school a safer and more caring place, regardless of if you are cisgender (a person whose self-identity- brain- conforms with the gender that corresponds to their biological sex- body parts), transgender (a person whose self-identity does not correspond to the gender of their biological sex), gay or straight, all words which I went on to define for them and we discussed.

Most were interested in the GSA, the topic, and ready to handle the information. As always, there were a few, Student B, the "friend," and another boy, who had more difficulty hearing words like penis, vagina and sexaulity, and were giggly, covering their ears, faces and generally calling attention. I acknowledged that the topic required a certain level of maturity, and it was okay it they weren't ready, but that they needed to contain themselves and could take a walk if they needed to do that. Of course, they didn't want to leave to room and miss anything, and so they managed to keep it together.

They also managed to keep it together through the meditation, which started a few minutes later, but it wasn't easy, especially for Student B. He had been in a mood, as he had gotten into trouble at the community movie the night before and the sex talk first thing in the morning didn't help calm him.

Shortly after we started he had gone back to trying to bother the person beside him, but we both shut him down with a Shh and individual looks. He got the message and though he was never quite still he was quiet enough and didn't disturb anyone else.

Everyone else had settled into the routine, even Student A, though he was a little fidgety in the beginning too, likely the ripple effect of Student B. The rest of the class appeared unaffected, most putting their heads down.

I noted my own impatience that morning too. I am excited to start changing the meditations, not counting the whole time and being able to join in with them in the end. On this second last day of September, I observed that the counting seemed particularly long and wondered if I had started the wrong track. It suddenly seemed unfamiliar and as I walked by the Ipad I even checked to see, but it was the same track I had been playing all month. It was strange that it seemed longer that morning.

But whatever it seemed, it was still only 4 minutes and 38 seconds, and as it ended I was grateful for the moment of quiet, another beautiful day in September and the walk ahead, and so we devoted our French time to talking about Terry Fox and how he changed Canada and the world (in English, of course).

In the afternoon, I saw my switch class. Though it was right after lunch they we more settled than previous afternoons. The readers sat on the opposite side of the room, without their books, or light to read by. As we started the meditation, and the others quickly settled in, they remained a little fidgety throughout, but less noisy and disruptive. The student who likes to make eye contact did so once and then put his head down.

From the beginning everyone seemed very quiet, maybe it was the walk that had tired them out, or maybe it was me, as I had woken up with a headache and it was progressively getting worse. I didn't tell them, but maybe I was quieter, or maybe they just sensed it. Whatever the case, I appreciated the peace and the break, even though I kept counting throughout.

Instead of walking around, as I like to do to keep a more balanced count, after a couple of rounds. I sat in my spot in the circle and kept counting. As I did, I was able to take a closer look from a different perspective. One of the boys, who usually sits in the midst of the boys who are restless, was sitting across from me, beside another boy, one of the only others who sits up straight during most of the meditations. As I counted, both of the boys were focused and visibly breathing according to the count. They we both in sync with the count. They were concentrating, but it also looked very natural to them. They looked very comfortable. It was very cool and I mentioned it to one of the boys later. I asked him to think about doing some writing about his experiences, and told him that we would talk about it more. I am looking forward to it.

Unlike the morning, the afternoon meditation went by too quickly and I would have liked to keep going for a lot longer, especially with the headache. But luckily, I have awesome students, and so we got on with our work. My class and I eventually ended the day enjoying the beautiful sunshine, which offered some relief from my headache and was a great way for everyone to end the day.

Friday

I was happy to wake up to find the headache was finally gone and that it was Friday, the last day in September, before a long weekend for the High Holy Days, and Orange Shirt Day. It was going to be another good day.

There were no big discussions of sex and sexuality as I started the morning with my class for LA, but it did feel like a milestone as I marked the last day of September, the end of our first month together, with one down and nine to go. I also noted that this was our last counting meditation and that next week when I came back we would start building on our meditations in different ways.

One other difference was we went to the library first thing Friday morning. We had started the writing process the day before and I managed to get the library first thing in the morning. I instructed them to go to the library, login to the computer and then turn their chairs out, and we would meditate while we were waiting for computers to load.

This was the first time I had been there with my class and I wasn't sure how they would respond to the different setting, with all the windows, but they didn't seem bothered at all. Most sat up straight, while a few made room for their heads around the keyboards. Everyone settled in quite easily and no one bothered anyone else. The meditation itself was quiet, with the music and the fish tank gurgling in the background. It was uneventful and a great start to a Friday and the writing process. It worked out especially well as the teacher who was supposed to come during second period changed her mind so my students got 80 minutes of writing time. Most finished their first draft, even Student A.

While my students were in gym, Mr. Y and I had what are often called "Million Dollar Meetings" due to the people power, time and energy involved. We were only halfway done when our classes were returning, so our VP and resource teacher went to work with our students. They, both the adults and our students, handled the change well, but I missed meditating with my switch class that morning.

In the afternoon, both classes came together for Social Studies. We were concluding our discussions on Society, Culture and Stereotypes, defining stereotyping, what it means and how it can be harmful, and maker greater connections to Society and Culture. It all tied in perfectly with Orange Shirt Day. I told them that we would be having our discussions during the first part of the class, take a movement break, and then we finish with a METTA meditation for Orange Shirt Day. Later that afternoon, we would then be called outside for a school picture to mark the day.

The discussions about Stereotyping were fascinating. Without having to illustrate any stereotypes beyond those we have been breaking about teeenagers, they understood that stereotypes categorize and label people, encourage judgement and mistreatment, and are often based on appearances and cultural beliefs. They saw how marginalized people, without the sense of belonging society is supposed to create, are often stereotyped and further put down. It was a good class.

Most have gotten used to the nature of these classes, and are managing with the small groups within the large group. Student A has the most trouble, and during our discussion he had left the room to self-regulate in the office. During the movement break I went to the office to see how he was doing and invited him to come back and join the meditation for Orange Shirt Day. I reminded him it was a longer meditation and would need his focus and respect, and was encouraged when he readily agreed to come back to the classroom.

We went back together as the timer was ending and everyone was getting organized again. Student A went back to his spot and as soon as he sat down start engaging his tablemates around him. He was picking up their pencils and poking them and trying to reach for their stuff. I did not want to ask him to leave, but I wasn't going to have him bothering anyone else or disturbing the class at large.

I addressed him first, but it was clear he was not going to stop. Calmly and casually I asked the people on either side of him if they wouldn't mind moving to alternate spots, making spaces for them at other tables. They moved quickly happy to be relieved of the burden of having to make the choice, but yet away from him. With an empty table around him, Student A still tried reaching for the others across the table, but when I warned him he had to stop if he wanted to stay, and he did.

He reached for a toy and started to fidget, but it made noise and so I exchanged it for some paper and a pencil. As I gave the reminders for a METTA meditation and we began, Student A was occupied with the paper for a few moments, but was soon ripping it up, making noise again. I continued giving the prompts as I walked towards the door, then I missed two counts as I left Mr. Y's room to grab a big chunk of plasticine from the box on the shelf by my door, and came back with it for Student A.

Still guiding the meditation, I switched the paper for the plasticine, and with a look and my finger over my mouth, I indicated I expected him to play with it quietly. And he did. At first he was slightly noisy, but with a glance he quieted, and then occupied himself with it for the remaining 12 minutes of  the meditation, rolling little snakes over and over. I wondered why he was so quick to come back to the room if he just wanted to play, but I was happy he was able to stay and not bother anyone else. I consider it a win.

The rest of the class was quiet and the meditation went smoothly. Maybe because some people had been spread apart, or maybe it was a nice break, or maybe they also felt the extension of compassion and caring on Orange Shirt Day was important. As we honoured Residential School Survivors, and those who did not, sharing our caring and compassion, wishing for them the same things we wish for ourselves, the silence was powerful. It carried over into the moment of gratitude for our health, safety and happiness and our school experiences and opportunities today.

I can't say it was perfect. I did move around the room, lingering longer in a few, more restless spots, but those moments are becoming fewer and further between, and the quiet prevails. We are growing together in many ways, and as we did today, we also took steps to be an active part of reconciliation. It was a pretty good Friday afternoon.

I am also grateful for this weekend and holiday, for the break and time to catch up on the writing, which is now done. There will be no meditations on Monday and Tuesday as I am away for Rosh Hashana. I tried to convince my classes someone could take over and lead for me, but they weren't quite ready. That will come, as will more meditations on Wednesday.

Days 14, 15, 16- WTF, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday- Part 1

The week flew by, and with other obligations and another headache Thursday evening, I have three days to catch up on.

Wednesday was an amazing day of writing, social interactions, and all sorts of learning and fun at The Forks. As I told Student A's mother later that evening, it was 98% awesome with room to grow.

Wednesday morning was sunny and gorgeous and as soon as I got to school it was clear everyone was excited, as was I. First thing in the morning, we all gathered in Mr. Y's room to prepare for the day ahead. It was clear everyone was pumped, which was an incredible feeling, and I immediately reminded them of that, and the fact that we have to balance our excitement with a mindfulness of our surroundings, the people around us and the tasks in front of us, so that we could make good choices, from the moment we left the classroom until our return later that afternoon.

I told them we would meditate once we got to there, but before we did anything else, we would take a few moments to prepare. Once again, I didn't use any music or even turn off the lights. I encouraged them to sit up straight, as we planted our feet on Treaty 1 land, which I noted we would be making greater connections with shortly. Then I suggested they close their eyes, which I also did as I stood facing them at the front of the class. I didn't see what they did as I guided them through a few breaths to get grounded, set the intention of making good choices, and visualize a successful day, writing and enjoying their time at The Forks. We took about 3 minutes to breathe and my eyes were closed the whole time, so I didn't see what anyone was doing, but the room was silent. As we ended the moment, they remained quiet and respectful. It was clear everyone wanted to make the most of the day, even (or maybe especially) Student A.

We continued with the obligatory safety reminders and some supporting information and then we were ready to get on the bus. Just as we were leaving the building, Student A and I  stopped to chat with our VP, to set up the expectations for success, with a reminder of the negative consequences of not following through, or staying safe, but an emphasis on Student A's ability to be successful, our belief in him and our desire for him to demonstrate his potential today so he can continue to enjoy the field trips to come, as well as today. I had a good feeling about him and the day, and I told him so, and that I was counting on him to prove me right. Then we were all on our way.

When we arrived at The Forks (theforks.com), our first stop was the Oodena Celebration Circle (http://www.theforks.com/attractions/at-the-forks/oodena-celebration-circle). Ojibew for "Heart of the Community," by meeting and beginning our learning in this spot, we honour 6000 years of indigenous tradition and ways of knowing, acknowledge that we, the Europeans and immigrants among us, including me, other staff there and the bulk of the students would not be here without Treaty 1, and move forward with respect and mindfulness, doing the best we can to be part of reconciliation.

The first thing we did when we got there was give the kids 10 minutes to run around and explore, a rookie move for any middle school teacher. Run, move, look first, and then sit for a bit. Plus we were in no hurry, there is so much to detail to see, and it was a beautiful day. When the timer went off and I called them all back,  everyone came running. It didn't take long to get situated around half of the circle, though I did have to direct them to move over and make space kid by kid in one section.

Then I made a point of encouraging everyone to let everything go. I directed them to take off their backpacks and put down everything they had in their hands. I repeated the instructions, over and over with different intonations, a technique I use as often as necessary in my classroom in general, until everyone took off their backpacks and hands were empty.

Then we were ready to start. We grounded our feet on Treaty 1 land, in the 6000 year old meeting place, connecting with the land again. Then, with nowhere to lay their heads, I encouraged them to sit up straight, giving attention to the back, shoulders, neck and head individually, finally coming to the face and closing their eyes. Perhaps because it was new and strange, perhaps because it was  first thing in the morning, or perhaps because he really wanted to have a good day, Student A didn't call any attention to himself at all.

A few small groups, mostly boys, were shuffling here and there, but it was generally quiet and pretty peaceful, and when I prompted everyone to close their eyes, I closed mine too. We took five full, deep breaths in silence together, taking everything in. I closed my eyes and led the breathing and once again, whatever they were or weren't doing in those five breaths, it didn't disturb me. I am grateful they demonstrate this trust in me and I got to enjoy the moment- the sunshine, air, land and serenity.

After those breaths, I guided them through 3 deep, silent breaths, as they focused first on everything they heard, then everything they smelled, and finally everything then felt. Then we took 5 further breaths putting all of those senses together, noticing all the sensations.

During this time, I intermittently closed my eyes and joined them, and observed their behavoiur and participation. Everyone was engaged at one point or another, though not everyone all at once. There were little looks between friends, a few giggles here and there, and there is always a wasp, or some other bug, around the most sensitive student, which has the potential to lead to absolute chaos. Thankfully, the wasp returned home- the nest, we discovered a few minutes later was under one of the nearby vents- and the boys kept in together and our time went undisturbed. It didn't take more than a look in any one direction to bring them back, which I don't take for granted and can only account to the value to the meditation practice.

Finally, we all took three full silent breaths in gratitude, before we slowly came back and transitioned into the second half, the moving meditation. They moved seamlessly and nearly silently, as I instructed them to get up and find space that gave them an arm's width of length all around them. There was room to spread out on the ground and the grassy slopes, which made it easy for everyone to find space.

I reminded them we had done these half sun-salutation, in which each inhale and each exhale is connected to a movement, once before, on the first day of school. I told them they could watch me do the first round, or just join in, and I moved through the 3 breath cycle- inhale, bringing arms up, exhale, forward fold, inhale, lifting head, exhale, drop head, inhale, come back up hand to the sky, exhale, hands come around to heart, We completed 5 half sun salutations, 3 with instruction and 2 in silence together. As I changed directions so everyone could see, I noticed everyone was participating as best they could. Some were giggling, and there were a couple who tried to add a clap as we brought our hands together on top, Student B of course. But it didn't really catch on, and most were quiet and seemed confident and comfortable in their movements and happy to be participating,

As we completed the last sun salutation we brought our hands to our hearts, and I encouraged them to align their hands with their heartbeat and feel it from within, as they closed their eyes to end the meditation. I challenged them to feel their hearts beating together with everything else around them on this glorious day at The Forks, and to take a moment to be grateful, that today this was their classroom. I sure was.

The rest of the day was fabulous. We walked the path to outline their parameters and reminded them of their assignments, where they could find me and the 3 other adults for help, and the check in time before lunch. Everyone went on their way, and I spent the morning checking in, assuring students their writing was "right"- they only way to for them to do it wrong was not to write- and take pictures. Student A hooked up with a friend from the other room- another benefit of having a switch class and two classes working together- and even did some writing. With their writing as their ticket to afternoon time on the playground, all the choices and the environment, every student succeeded in completing some writing. I will share our collective poem when it it published. This is the field trip that keeps giving and giving- another reason I love it.

After our writing was done, we met for lunch, a highlight for everyone, especially as The Forks has been renovated and offers even more choices and comfortable seating. The kids also love going up the tower and shopping in the market. I love that they break the stereotypes of unruly, disrespectful teenagers. They are respectful and polite, holding doors, keeping to the right when they walk and letting people exit the elevator. As far as I am concerned, this is the most important part of our learning, and I always tell them that, before we go, and congratulate them once we get back. As you will read eventually, it complemented our Social Studies lesson on stereotypes beautifully. This Wednesday it made for a lovely lunch, and the fusion Sushi tacos at the new tapas place were delicious. Not cheap, but totally worth it, especially on a school day.

Everyone was pretty much on time as we met after lunch, most were early. A group of students had asked if they could return to the circle, stayed together as instructed, and even set an alarm to come back. One minor flaw, they set the alarm for the return time, not factoring the distance between the circle and the meeting place. Exactly one minute late, at 12:46, the boys came bounding around the corner, clearly concerned about the time. I had to laugh- it is one of those things you don't know unless someone tells you, but know one thinks to tell you. They have to be given the chance to experience it on a day like this, and next time will give themselves time to get there, maybe for life- who knows?

We went from lunch to the footbridge, for a mini-lesson in history and geography, as it is the best view of "The Fork"- the point where the two rivers, the Red and the Assiniboine, meet and why it has always been a meeting place. From there we walked to the playground and they had fun, which is important, but were also leaders on the playground.

We had reminded them they are the big kids here, and they have to be mindful of little kids and kind too. We also offered open spaces for running and play. We outlined our expectations and they rose to the challenge, while enjoying themselves. Some played frisbee, others organized a game of Manhunt, and a few took the time to play with the little kids who followed them around and tried to engage them on the playground. A group of three girls spent the entire hour with a very cute boy of about 6, who had started following them, much to the relief of the woman with him, who appreciated the break as she watched from the bench. Those girls could have handed out business cards for babysitting, as they pointed out they even have licenses.

They fun they had demonstrated their need to run, move and play, their social interactions with each other and strangers demonstrate so much more- social, emotional learning that goes so much deeper than our classroom learning, and makes for such a great day.

When our time on the playground came to an end, we boarded the bus and went back to school. There was a short written reflection- otherwise what's the point?- and then I put the pictures I had taken that day on the projector and we all laughed about the moments we had enjoyed together.

I couldn't have asked for a better day, except for that 2% and a tough lesson for one kid,

Sometime during the walk between the bridge and the playground, something happened between Student A and another student, a "friend," in that they are often together, and this wasn't the first such incident. I was walking at the front, but as they told me later, it had something to do with a stick, and what I saw was the "friend" jumping on and hitting Student A, which was the behaviour I had to stop and address first.

It was unfortunate because I had already spoken to the "friend" twice about their mutual attraction to each other and their tendency to bother one another, or be bothered, respond with aggression and getting caught, instead of enlisting help. When it happened again, with 4 adults in the direct vicinity and the mention of a stick, I was frustrated with the "friend" and of course, Student A, who had essentially set up his "friend." It was the one issue of the day. The 2%.

But all in all, in the grand scheme of things, it was an important lesson for the "friend" and a small part of an amazing day. I can't wait until we are back there again in October.

I hadn't intended to write about the entire day, just the meditations, but it just worked out this way. I figured the meditations set the tone for the day and the success of the rest, and the learning, is worth documenting. Since it is so long, I figure I will post it as Part 1 and continue Thursday and Friday in part 2.