Since the government, in its infinite wisdom, has deemed it necessary for me to be here, at school today, all day, I decided to start writing and document some of the day's events and my feelings and observations as I return to school.
I have long been enamored with the concept of paradox, or two opposites that are true at the same time, to help me to reconcile some of the contradictions at play in the world and life. I can accept human nature, and people with endless patience that eventually runs out, or even that smart people who make stupid choices. Paradox is part of the mystery and wonder of the world.
It is the lies that are hard to swallow.
To be clear it is evident that our school leaders are doing the best they can, with the many challenges, and whatever limited guidance and support they are receiving from the powers that be, whether in my division, or from the government. As information was transmitted they were respectful, optimistic, and as clear as they could be based on what they know and what they have been told. They heard the questions and answered as best they could. Yet so much is unknown, so much remains to be seen, and so many responses were predicated on the idea that we are back in the classroom, but...
This is the part I can't quite wrap my mind around. As if it is possible to keep 23, 13 year-old kids sitting in their seats with masks, and if we are lucky nearly 1 meter distance between them, for chunks of time, making communication challenging at best, and still imagining we can achieve the same quality of teaching. Then further limiting access to already scarce supplies like computers and library space, adding cleaning practices which will eat more time, and removing all the fun and social interaction from school, yet still believing we can maintain the same quality of learning.
Are we operating in a pandemic or are we not?
We have been told over and over these are unprecedented times, yet in school not much has changed. Sure, there are some sign, masks in the building, and many new rules of things we cannot do, and learning that will limited as a result, yet the expectation to teach, has not changed.
As I write, I am waiting for my administrators to come to my classroom so that we can brainstorm about furniture. My 8 month old tables are each 1.38 meters long, and usually seat 2 per student with triangle tables on the corners. I could create a Math problem having my students work out the placements of the currents desks requiring at least one metre space between each student on all sides and accommodating everyone, but it extremely cruel to assign trick questions with no solutions.
The only answer to how to properly social distance in a classroom is to have less people in the classroom. The government is not willing to make any changes, operating as though is it business as usual, which should be surprising as they believe education is business and its role is supporting the economy, not children,
Later reflecting on my big question, and the many more that followed, and after a busy day. I still don't have many answers. Yet the day is done, and as if to prove the paradox, it was both long and quick, and full, yet relaxed. I have many concerns, but worrying will not help me, or anyone.
Instead I will commit to doing my part, writing here and continuing to speak up where I can. I posed many questions today, first in our staff meeting, and then later as part of the #SafeSeptember phone campaign to the offices of the premier and several other ministers.
As important as it was to call, it is equally important to note the roles of the administrative assistants answering the phones, each of whom was female (Conservative Party coincidence?) and perfectly lovely, accepting my calls with interest, dignity, and respect, though the secretary of the premier sounded particularly frazzled. She was also very grateful when I acknowledged her dedication to her job on what must have been a particularly annoying day, which was a highlight of mine.
My calls, in which I reiterated my questions to the different ministers including education, health and families, letting each know that I was sitting in my classroom, looking at an impossible situation, and genuinely concerned about the health and well-being of my students and their families, as it is simply too small to accommodate so many students while maintaining any semblance of social distancing, took less than 10 minutes, but I am hopeful mine, and others, will make a difference.
I remain optimistic that my classroom will be a safe space for learning next week as it has been for the last 18 years because it will look different than it did today. The furniture will change, one way or the other, and hopefully the number of students I expect to see it in each day will too, sooner rather than at their expense.
In the meantime, for today I have done what I can. As annoying as it was to be called in early by the government, I am grateful to return to the security of a job that I mostly love, and the support of some great colleagues and friends. As is often said in the teacher world, there was time for planning and some rich conversation today, for which I am grateful.
I am grateful I had some quiet time in my classroom this morning to meditate. I was able to spend some time connecting, with myself, the space, my purpose, my abilities, and my breath. I am pretty sure those minutes made the rest of my day much easier. I was also reminded as I sat that masks or not, meditation will remain part of the practice in room 11.
No matter what happens, I just have to keep breathing. Tomorrow is another day.
Thanks for reading and joining me on this journey. I don't promise to write every day, but I am committed to documenting some of this time and experience, a meditation of its own.
For now, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe!
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